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 | | | <center><br>Four men rode in a car : a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer.
The car stalled out.
The MECHANICAL engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way."
The ELECTRICAL engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."
The CHEMICAL engineer said, "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way."
They turned to the COMPUTER engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked.
The COMPUTER engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it." | 20040510223551 | | | | <center><br>A frog goes into a bank and approaches the loan officer. He can see from her nameplate that the loan officer's name is Patricia Whack. So he says: "Ms Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says: "$30,000." She asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it's OK; he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says: "Sure! I have this" and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 - and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
(Are you ready???) (You're gonna love it!)
The bank manager looks at her and says:
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." | 20040510223801 | | | | A guy walks into an empty bar and says, "Hey, Bartender, give me a drink." So the guy sits down, sipping his drink, when he hears a small voice, "I like your tie."
The man turns to the bartender and says, "Did you say something?"
"No, I didn't say anything," says the bartender.
The man shrugs it off. And again he hears the small voice call out, "Your hair looks really nice."
The man turns to the bartender and asks. "There it goes again, didn't you hear that?"
"No, replied the bartender, "I didn't hear anything."
Once again, the man returns to his drink when he hears, "Gee, that suit looks great on you."
"Bartender!" exclaimed the man, "I am absolutely sure I heard something. What's going on here?"
"Oh", said the bartender. "That must be our peanuts. They're complimentary." | 20040510223940 | | | | <center><br>A confession has to be part of your new life
A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that's unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.
A man's thinking goes on within his consciousness in a seclusion in comparison with which any physical seclusion is an exhibition to public view.
A new word is like a fresh seed sewn on the ground of the discussion.
A philosopher who is not taking part in discussions is like a boxer who never goes into the ring.
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
Death is not an event in life: we do not live to experience death. If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration but timelessness, then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.
Don't get involved in partial problems, but always take flight to where there is a free view over the whole single great problem, even if this view is still not a clear one.
For a large class of cases -- though not for all -- in which we employ the word ''meaning'' it can be defined thus: the meaning of a word is its use in the language.
For a truly religious man nothing is tragic.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I sit astride life like a bad rider on a horse. I only owe it to the horse's good nature that I am not thrown off at this very moment.
If a person tells me he has been to the worst places I have no reason to judge him; but if he tells me it was his superior wisdom that enabled him to go there, then I know he is a fraud.
If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done.
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
If you do know that here is one hand, we'll grant you all the rest
In order to be able to set a limit to thought, we should have to find both sides of the limit thinkable (i.e. we should have to be able to think what cannot be thought).
It is one of the chief skills of the philosopher not to occupy himself with questions which do not concern him.
It is so characteristic, that just when the mechanics of reproduction are so vastly improved, there are fewer and fewer people who know how the music should be played.
It seems to me that, in every culture, I come across a chapter headed ''Wisdom.'' And then I know exactly what is going to follow: ''Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.''
Knowledge is in the end based on acknowledgement.
Language is a part of our organism and no less complicated than it.
Like everything metaphysical the harmony between thought and reality is to be found in the grammar of the language.
Logic takes care of itself; all we have to do is to look and see how it does it.
Man has to awaken to wonder -- and so perhaps do peoples. Science is a way of sending him to sleep again.
Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.
Not every religion has to have St. Augustine's attitude to sex. Why even in our culture marriages are celebrated in a church, everyone present knows what is going to happen that night, but that doesn't prevent it being a religious ceremony.
One often makes a remark and only later sees how true it is.
Our greatest stupidities may be very wise.
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language.
Philosophy is like trying to open a safe with a combination lock: each little adjustment of the dials seems to achieve nothing, only when everything is in place does the door open.
Philosophy is not a theory but an activity.
Resting on your laurels is as dangerous as resting when you are walking in the snow. You doze off and die in your sleep.
Someone who knows too much finds it hard not to lie.
The human body is the best picture of the human soul.
The limits of my language are the limits of my mind. All I know is what I have words for.
The limits of my language means the limits of my world.
The logic of the world is prior to all truth and falsehood
The real discovery is the one which enables me to stop doing philosophy when I want to. -- The one that gives philosophy peace, so that it is no longer tormented by questions which bring itself into question.
There are remarks that sow and remarks that reap.
Uttering a word is like striking a note on the keyboard of the imagination.
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent
You get tragedy where the tree, instead of bending, breaks.
You must always be puzzled by mental illness. The thing I would dread most, if I became mentally ill, would be your adopting a common sense attitude; that you could take it for granted that I was deluded.
If you do know that here is one hand, we'll grant you all the rest | 20040510224615 | | | | <center><br>By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.
Socrates
Envy is the ulcer of the soul.
Socrates
Get not your friends by bare compliments, but by giving them sensible tokens of your love.
Socrates
Regard your good name as the richest jewel you can possibly be possessed of - for credit is like fire; when once you have kindled it you may easily preserve it, but if you once extinguish it, you will find it an arduous task to rekindle it again. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.
Socrates
Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity.
Socrates
Remember what is unbecoming to do is also unbecoming to speak of.
Socrates
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
Socrates
The shortest and surest way to live with honour in the world, is to be in reality what we would appear to be; and if we observe, we shall find, that all human virtues increase and strengthen themselves by the practice of them.
Socrates
Think not those faithful who praise all thy words and actions; but those who kindly reprove thy faults.
Socrates
Thou shouldst eat to live; not live to eat.
Socrates
- More quotations on: [Food]
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
Socrates, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
Socrates, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers
There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance.
Socrates, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers
- More quotations on: [Knowledge]
Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
Socrates, from Plutarch, How a Young Man Ought to Hear Poems
- More quotations on: [Food]
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world.
Socrates, from Plutarch, Of Banishment
I do nothing but go about persuading you all, old and young alike, not to take thought for your persons or your properties, but and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue comes money and every other good of man, public as well as private. This is my teaching, and if this is the doctrine which corrupts the youth, I am a mischievous person.
Socrates, quoted by Plato, 'The Death of Socrates' | 20040510224740 | | | | <center><br>
"...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
"The only real valuable thing is intuition."
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
"I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
"God is subtle but he is not malicious."
"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
"The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
"Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
"Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
"If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
"The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
"Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
"Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
"One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
"He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." | 20040510224919 | | | | <center><br>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language! There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"? | 20040513215001 | | | | | 20040515184517 | | | | | 20040515185233 | | | | | 20040515190322 | | | | <center><br>Very pretty and addictive game. Like bust-a-move. <a href=" http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php?theGame=zuma"><img alt="Zuma" border="0" src="zuma.jpg"></a> <p> Requires - click yes when prompted - no spyware involved. | 20040515190621 | | | | <center><br>Point and click to escape the room using only the objects you find within...
If you want to know how to escape, mail me :)
Requires flash
<a href="crimsonroom.swf"><img alt="crimson room" border="0" src="crimsonroom.jpg"></a> | 20040515233314 | | | | | 20040515235525 | | | | <center><br>A nifty puzzle game. Using Dyson vacumn cleaner tubes, you have to move balls around a board, in an attempt to pot them into a hole... Take a look - it's fun - honest! <a href="game_first15.swf"><img alt="Dyson" border="0" src="dyson.jpg"></a> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/go/flashplayer">flash</a> <br> | 20040516000107 | | | | <center><br>If you haven't played this all time classic game it must be because you've been hiding out in a shack on top of a mountain in Montana for the last 20+ years. The object of the game is to move around the small yellow blob (Pacman) and chomp up the white dots. Oh, and watch out for Blinky, Pinky, Inkey, and Clyde (the spooky ghosts). Special Instructions : Use mouse to click 'Start' , Use your arrow keys to move Up/Down Left an Right. Press "M" to Mute/Unmute sound, and "P" to Pause/Unpause the game <a href="pacman.swf"><img src="pac.jpg" width="220" height="245" alt="Pacman" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">here</a> | 20040519213507 | | | | <center><br>This game will test your memory, and, ultimately, your sanity. The object of the game is to memorize Simon's sequence of lights. On that note,does anyone remember those Simon commercials in the '80s? How could you forget! :) Special Instructions : Use your mouse to click start and click the color bars. <p> <a href="simon.swf"><img src="simon.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Simon" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519214105 | | | | <center><br>You can't get anymore retro than this classic shoot-em-up game. Yes, the graphics are chunky - a far cry from X-Box or PS2 standards - but at the time it seemed like 'space-age' technology :-) . Now Featuring High Scores! Special Instructions : Space Bar = Fire, Move Left / Right using your arrow keys. <p> <a href="spaceinvaders.swf"><img src="spaceinvaders.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Space Invaders" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519214320 | | | | <center><br>Strangely addictive game that I remember playing on my old Amstrad PC back in the day when Windows and MS-DOS was still in its embryotic stages. You are the frog and your task is to make it across the road without being hit by traffic, and finally make it across the river by skilfully hitching a ride on the floating logs. Sounds simple enough, but it's the end pockets which are the hardest - and watch out for those pesky crocodiles! Special Instructions : Left/Right : User your left/right arrows. To move up/forward - use Up arrow<p> <a href="frogger.swf"><img src="frogger.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Frogger" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519214517 | | | | <center><br>Classic 'left-to-right' shoot em' up game that I remember playing vividly on my old Atari 2600. An impressive yet quite challenging action/shooter game with its unique 3D graphics, funky techno background music - and its revolutionary gameplay, that's still good even by todays standards - Ok, maybe not - but Moon Patrol excels in so many areas that it's sure to please diehard Atari 2600 fans :) Special Instructions : Move left/right : use your Left/Right arrow keys, Jump : Up arrow , Fire : Space Bar<p> <a href="moon.swf"><img src="moon.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Moon Patrol" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519214842 | | | | <center><br>This classic game first appeared at the arcades in 1981, and was the first to introduce such characters as Mario, Donkey Kong and Peach. Donkey Kong was the product of a Nintendo artist named Shigeru Miyamoto. Miyamoto did the entire game himself (even the music), the only help he got was with the name. He and a manager decided they'd call it "Donkey Kong" because "kong" would imply a gorilla was involved, and "donkey" was used because their Japanese-to-English dictionary said it meant "stubborn, wily, and goofy." The story : Donkey Kong has stolen Mario's girlfriend and taken her to the top of a steel structure. You move Mario over girders and up ladders, leap over tumbling barrels, dodge lethal fireballs and jump onto fast-moving elevators, trying to rescue Mario's girlfriend from Donkey Kong Special Instructions : Space Bar to jump; Use your left/right arrow keys to move from left to right, etc. To climb ladders use your Up arrow<p> <a href="dk.swf"><img src="dk.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Donkey Kong" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519215138 | | | | <center><br>Tetris is life. Think about it : As time passes, life's little problems incessantly pour down in chunks. Somehow, someway, you must conquer these hurdles, fitting them together so you can move on. Ok, maybe I'm taking the metaphor too far. In any case, this is one of the all time classic games and it was Alexey Pajitnov who created Tetris on an Electronica 60 while working for the Academy of Sciences in Moscow. Tetris was released in the United States in 1986. The game's popularity was tremendous, and many were instantly hooked - it was a software blockbuster. Special Instructions : Use your mouse to click 'Play', then choose a level to start at. Up arrow to rotate shapes, Down/Left/Right arrow keys to move shapes, press P to pause<p> <a href="tetris4.swf"><img src="tetris4.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Tetris" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519215358 | | | | <center><br>Released in 1984 by Nintendo, Duck Hunt was one of the first games on the NES platform to use the 'light gun'. The basic idea of this game is pretty simple - you're a duck hunter armed with a pistol and your trusty dog. You have three shots to shoot one or two ducks each round. After ten rounds of duck hunting (you'll probably be rather bored of shooting duck at this point), you go to the shooting range and shoot at clay pigeons for another ten rounds - although the dog is absent. The game is rather fun and satisfying initially but gets old quickly. The sound effects are pretty much what you'd expect for a game from the early 1980s - that is, awful by todays standards - gameplay and graphics are simple - but it remains a classic and is fun to play every once in a while. Special Instructions : Be patient for this game to load. To fire your pistol click your mouse button.<p> <a href="duckhunt.swf"><img src="duckhunt.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Duckhunt" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519215714 | | | | <center><br>Pong, while not the first videogame, was the first coin-op arcade game and the first mainstream videogame that was available to almost everyone. The origins of Pong lie with an abstract tennis game created with an old oscilloscope and some vacuum tubes by Willy Higinbotham way back in 1958. What eventually became "Pong" was a pretty simple game with simple rules - hit the ball across the playing field and try your best to hit it past your opponents paddle on the other side. Special Instructions : Use your mouse to guide your paddle up and down.<p> <a href="pong2.swf"><img src="pong2.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Pong" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519215905 | | | | <center><br>In the years after Star Wars, anything involving outer space, speedy interstellar craft and dangerous battles was considered golden. Into this arena of sci-fi fantasy came Atari’s Asteroids, one of the most enduring hits in video game history. Atari’s recipe for addiction consisted of the following: one screen, five buttons, one ship, a few UFO’s, and several ship-smashing asteroids. Smack dab in the center of the action was your triangle-shaped spacecraft, adrift in a sea of space rocks. The Blasting large, slow-moving asteroids turned them into two medium-sized, speedier asteroids. Another blast at the medium asteroids split them into small, fast-moving asteroids, which could be vaporized with one more shot. Thus, if you started firing wildly into fields of big asteroids, you would likely end up in an even bigger mess than you started with, facing a swarm of tiny, zippy asteroids. The controls allow you to rotate left and right, thrust, warp into hyperspace, and most importantly, to fire your blaster at the rocky menaces. For a generation of video game addicts, Asteroids will always mean simple graphics, stressful and addictive gameplay, and dreams of high-scoring glory. Special Instructions : Use your mouse to click start, Space bar = Fire , Up arrow key to thrust, Left/Right arrow keys to move left/right <p> <a href="asteroids.swf"><img src="asteroids.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Asteroids" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519220202 | | | | <center><br>You may not remember Star Castle - actually, I didn't either - but visually this game (released in 1980) uses the same 'vector graphics' that are seen in games such as Asteroids and Battlezone. Vector graphics are, as seen in the screen shot to the right, simple lines to create objects - and while it may seem cheesey compared to present day graphics, they were considered cutting edge stuff back in the '70s and early '80s. This was also one of the first games to use an experimental artificial intelligence to harrass the game player's ship. A barely noticable feature of the game from our perspective, but a fundamental element of all video games today. Your task in Star Castle is to break through the three layers of walls and destroy the central behemoth. Success in this game is primarily determined by how well you can control your ship. Special Instructions : Use the space bar to fire, move around using your arrows keys.<p> <a href="starcastle.swf"><img src="starcastle.jpg" width="245" height="220" alt="Starcraft" border="0"></a> <p> Requires <a href=" http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash&P5_Language=English">flash</a> | 20040519220417 | | | | Ever wondered how to fold clothes using Origami? No, not surprising really, but check this out... It *may* change your life (probably won't tho...) (3.2mb) <a href=" http://www.orangesteel.org/files/cloth_folding.mpg"> <center> <img border="0" src="click.jpg" width="50" height="50"></a> <img src=icon_smile.gif border=0 align=middle> | 20040529114156 | | | | Made all the more funny 'cos I have a 15 year old sister!
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.
2. Places where there is darkness.
3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are OK.
6. Hockey games are okay.
7. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
| 20040529200257 | | | | A simple, calm, relaxing game... or so you would have thought! Click below to see someone completely flip, (c'mon we've all wanted to...) playing this in Japan. <center> <a href=" http://www.orangesteel.org/files/stone.asf"> <img border="0" src="click.jpg" width="50" height="50"> | 20040529211539 | | | | Haddock Julienne
Ingredients
700 g (1 1/2 lb) haddock or cod fillet
25 g (1 oz) butter
salt and pepper
ground coriander
juice of 1/2 lemon
50 g (2 oz) onion, skinned
2 tomatoes, skinned and seeded
25 g (1 oz) Cheddar cheese, grated
5 ml (1 level tsp) arrowroot
chopped parsley
Method
1. Remove the skin from the fillet. Cut the fish into 4 portions.
2. Use half the butter to well grease a shallow ovenproof serving dish. Arrange the fish in a single layer, with salt, pepper and a very little coriander. Pour over the lemon juice.
3. Cut the onion thinly into rings. Cut the tomato flesh into strips.
4. In a small frying pan, melt the rest of the butter; slowly fry the onion until soft and beginning to colour. Combine with the tomato and cheese.
5. Spoon the onion mixture evenly over each fillet. Cover and cook in the oven at 190°C (375°F) mark 5 for 20 minutes.
6. In a small pan, blend the arrowroot with 15 ml (1 tbsp) water, add the drained-oilfish liquor and bring to the boil, stirring.
7. Pour it over the fish and serve garnished with chopped parsley. | 20040605213340 | | | | Okay, cheap and cheerful Chilli.
I really like it!
Lists below are for 2/4/6 servings. I generally do 4 and use half the next day with Jacket potatoes.
Don't forget rice or potatoes. Yum.
Ingredients : Serves 2
250g Mince beef.
1 small onion (finely chopped).
1 Clove garlic crushed.
1/2 Red pepper chopped.
1/2 - 1 Teaspoon of Chilli powder.
1/2 Teaspoon of Cumin.
1 Tablespoon of Tomato Puree.
1 Can of tomatos
1 Can of kidney beans (remember if you soak you own beans that the juice is poisonous and that they need soaking overnight.)
150ml (1/4 Pint) of beef stock.
Salt and Pepper to taste.
Ingredients : Serves 4
500g Mince beef.
1 onion (finely chopped).
1 Clove garlic crushed.
1 Red pepper chopped.
1/2 - 1 Teaspoon of Chilli powder.
1/2 Teaspoon of Cumin.
2 Tablespoon of Tomato Puree.
1 Can of tomatos
1 Can of kidney beans (remember if you soak you own beans that the juice is poisonous and that they need soaking overnight.)
300ml (1/2 Pint) of beef stock.
Salt and Pepper to taste.
Ingredients : Serves 6
800g Mince beef.
2 medium onions (finely chopped).
2 Clove garlic crushed.
1 Red pepper chopped.
1/2 - 1 Teaspoon of Chilli powder.
1/2 Teaspoon of Cumin.
2 Tablespoon of Tomato Puree.
1 and a half cans of tomatos
1 1 and a half cans of kidney beans (remember if you soak you own beans that the juice is poisonous and that they need soaking overnight.)
450ml (3/4 Pint) of beef stock.
Salt and Pepper to taste.
1) Saute the mince beef, garlic, onion and red pepper for 6-8 minutes.
2) Add Chilli powder and Cumin. Cook for a further minute.
3) Add all remaining ingredients and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
4) Serve with rice.
| 20040606214033 | | | | Play pictionary online with other people - cool! Easy to start, easy to get addicted too! <center> Click <a href=" http://www.isketch.net/"> <font color="#ff0000">here</font></a> to play. | 20040612120403 | | | | Take one bar of your favourite choccy.
Eat.
Repeat as required. | 20040617191243 | | | | The only place on the net to find the "exclusive" Andrew Numbers gift range - designed by Orangesteel.oRg. Click <a href=" http://www.cafeshops.com/orangesteel"> <font size="3" color="#ff0000"><b>here</b></font></a> to shop 'till you drop... | 20040622221923 | | | | Do you stalk Matt Lewis? No? Why not start by buying into a collection of gifts that let you start on a Matt Lewis shrine of your very own! Click <a href=" http://www.cafeshops.com/darkin"> <font size="3" color="#ff0000"><b>here</b></font></a> to shop 'till you drop… | 20040622222140 | | | | The only place on the net to find the "exclusive" Ben Green gift range - designed by Orangesteel.oRg. Click <a href=" http://www.cafeshops.com/greensville"> <font size="3" color="#ff0000"><b>here</b></font></a> to shop 'till you drop... | 20040622225621 | | | | <FONT size=2>
<P>Theres an english man irish man and a scottsman they all work at the same building site together and have their afternoon lunches together everyday. </P>
<P>The english man gets his sanwich out first and its cheese and tomato, so he says "rite if i get this sandwich again tomorrow im gonna jump of the bridge and kill myself. The irish man and scottsman do and say exactly the same thing cause they are fed up with their sandwiches they keep getting each day. So all three men open their sandwiches the next day at work and all 3 of them get the same sandwiches again so they all agree thats it we're all gonna jump cause we agreed yesterday. So the englishman jumps first straight of the bridge lands and dies, then the irishman does the same takes a deep breath jumps lands and dies. Then the scottsman jumps following them hits the floor and dies................................................... </P>
<P>Then two weeks later at the funerals all 3 wives are crying and the englishmans wife says "oh if only he had told me he didnt like them sandwiches i wouldnt have done them" then the scottsmans wife says, "Yeah if only he had said he didnt like those chicken sandwiches i made" Then the irishmans wife is in tears and says "I don't know what his problem was cause he makes his own sandwiches for work".</P></FONT> | 20040905110439 | | | | Get it <A href="/files/william shatner - common people.wma"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A> | 20040905111308 | | | | Click <FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT> to see the site... | 20040905111656 | | | | <P><IMG alt=Outside hspace=0 src="/files/from_outside.jpg" align=baseline border=0></P>
<P><IMG alt=Inside hspace=0 src="/files/from_inside.jpg" align=baseline border=0></P> | 20040905112245 | | | | <P align=center><BR>Click <A href="/files/iraqnews.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A> to view the movie clip. </P> | 20040905115658 | | | | | 20040905121533 | | | | | 20040905121758 | | | | Click <A href="/files/papertray.asf"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT> </A>to watch the paper tray get abused. | 20040905122528 | | | | | 20040914141859 | | | | I was out driving in my car the other day when I got caught short and needed a wee. All I could find in my car was an empty can of coke a cola, so I did it in there. Unfortunately the police where watching and decided to question me. I'm now being done for being in possession of canopiss! | 20040921232315 | | | | <P>Science brought to you from Japan. WARNING Involves cats and tape...</P> <P align=center><A href=" http://www.orangesteel.org/files/animaltesting.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>Cat testing</FONT></A></P> | 20041103203515 | | | | <P>Wait until the end. It's funny. Incidentally I too can say the alphabet backwards.</P>
<P align=center><A href="/files/drinkanddrive.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>Watch the crazy drunk</FONT></A></P> | 20041103203805 | | | | <P>So you watched paper tray (above) well this is how manufacturers are fighting back against photocopier abuse!</P>
<P align=center>Click <A href="/files/Transcopier.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A> to see</P> | 20041105201719 | | | | <P>This joke is off my best friend in scnuthorpe which I thought was hilarious when I first heard it.</P>
<P>'Did you hear about the woman who went on holiday with two left feet?'</P>
<P>'She brought herslf a pair of flip flips'</P> | 20041107200157 | | | | <P>What do you do if you see a space-man?</P>
<P>Park your car in it man!!!</P> | 20041107200203 | | | | <P align=left>A demonstration from a keen adolescent on how to date. Very funny, yet equally worrying at the same time.</P>
<P align=center>Click <A href="/files/KidDating.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A> to watch.</P>
<P align=center> </P> | 20041128213909 | | | | <P>A new product for your *REALLY* heavy days.</P>
<P align=center>Click <A href="/files/TampaxULTRA.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A> to watch.</P> | 20041128214026 | | | | <P>Step 1 : Take one helicoptor, attach it to a boat. </P>
<P>Step 2 : Fly helicoptor in attempt to tow boat</P>
<P>Step 3 : Well ... Just watch by clicking <A href="/files/HelicopterAndBoat.wmv"><FONT color=#ff0000>here</FONT></A></P>
<P> </P> | 20041128214318 | | | | <P>Basic White Bread</P>
<P>2lb (Use half measures for a 1lb loaf)<BR>Water 310ml<BR>White flour 560g<BR>Salt 2 tsp<BR>Dried milk (optional) 2 TBSP<BR>Sugar 2 TBSP<BR>Butter/Oil 3 TBSP<BR>Dried Yeast 2.5 tsp</P>
<P><BR>French Bread</P>
<P>2lb (Use half measures for a 1lb loaf)<BR>Water 310ml<BR>White flour 560g<BR>Salt 2 tsp<BR>Dried milk (optional) 2 TBSP<BR>Sugar 2 TBSP<BR>Dried Yeast 2.5 tsp</P>
<P><BR>Herb Bread</P>
<P>2lb (Use half measures for a 1lb loaf)<BR>Water 310ml<BR>White flour 560g<BR>Salt 1 tsp<BR>Dried milk (optional) 2 TBSP<BR>Sugar 2 TBSP<BR>Olive Oil 3 TBSP<BR>Dried Yeast 2.5 tsp<BR>Tarragon, Basil, Oregano, Parsley 1 tsp (each)<BR><BR><BR>Italian Bread</P>
<P>2lb (Use half measures for a 1lb loaf)<BR>Water 310ml<BR>White flour 560g<BR>Salt 1 tsp<BR>Dried milk (optional) 2 TBSP<BR>Sugar 2 TBSP<BR>Olive Oil 3 TBSP<BR>Dried Yeast 2.5 tsp<BR>Basil, Oregano, 1 tsp (each)<BR>Tomato Paste 3 TBSP<BR><BR><BR>Honey Bread</P>
<P>2lb (Use half measures for a 1lb loaf)<BR>Water 300ml<BR>White flour 560g<BR>Salt 2 tsp<BR>Dried milk (optional) 2 TBSP<BR>Honey 2-4 TBSP to taste<BR>Olive Oil 3 TBSP<BR>Dried Yeast 2.5 tsp</P>
<P><BR>Method<BR><BR>1- Add ingredients and knead for 5 minutes. Longer if you can avoid becoming bored. 10 minutes is great.</P>
<P>2 - Leave the bread somewhere warm for 20 minutes.</P>
<P>3 - Optional but recommended - Repeat step 1.</P>
<P>4 - Optional but recommended - Repeat step 2, but instead leave for 1 hour.</P>
<P>5 - Bake for one hour at </P>
<P>6 - Leave in warm oven to cool for 30 minutes.</P>
<P><BR>General tips<BR><BR>- Use very strong white flour - otherwise your bread will not rise. It needs the gluten from "strong" flour.<BR>- Add heavy ingredients during the 2nd kneading, otherwise they may get crushed, or will not distribute well.</P>
<P>What the ingredients do...<BR>- Salt<BR>Inhibits the yeast</P>
<P>- Yeast<BR>Makes the bread rise.</P>
<P>- Sugar<BR>Adds flavour, helps bread "brown", feeds yeast.</P>
<P>- Water<BR>Best soft water (Nottingham has hard water, for best results use boiled water that has been left to cool). Water should be room temperature.</P>
<P>- Other items <BR>Go crazy. Use Sun dried tomatoes, dried apricots, raisens.</P> | 20051017231405 | | | | <h2>Ingredients</h2> <p class="ingredients"><a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/pork,196,IN.html">2 thick British pork tenderloins (weighing 12 oz/350 g each after trimming)</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/rosemary,216,IN.html">1 rounded tablespoon fresh rosemary leaves</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/apples,6,IN.html">3 Granny Smith apples, skins left on, cored and cut into 6 wedges each</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/garlic,112,IN.html">2 cloves garlic, peeled and cut into thin slices</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/butter,44,IN.html">1½ oz (40 g) butter</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/vinegar,282,IN.html">1½ tablespoons cider vinegar</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/onions,128,IN.html">1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/sugars-and-syrups,244,IN.html">1 level tablespoon demerara sugar</a> <br/> <strong>8 fl oz (225 ml) strong dry cider</strong> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/creme_fraiche,74,IN.html">2 heaped tablespoons half-fat crème fraîche</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/salt,219,IN.html">salt and freshly milled black pepper</a> </p> <p>Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 8, 450°F (230°C).</p> <p>You will also need a flameproof baking tray measuring 11 x 16 inches (28 x 40 cm), lightly buttered<br/> <br/> <strong><u>Instructions</u></strong></p> <p>First of all, using a small, sharp knife, make little slits all over the pork and push the slivers of garlic into them, turning the fillet over so the garlic is in on both sides. Next, place the rosemary leaves in a mortar and bruise them with a pestle to release their fragrant oil, then chop them very finely.</p> <p>Now melt the butter and combine it with the cider vinegar, then brush the meat with some of this mixture, sprinkle with half the rosemary and season with salt and pepper. Scatter the onion over the buttered baking tray and place the pork on top. All this can be prepared in advance, then covered with clingfilm.</p> <p>When you want to cook the roast, prepare the apples by tossing them with the remaining cider vinegar and butter mixture, then arrange them all around the pork on the baking tray and sprinkle with the sugar and the rest of the rosemary. Place the baking tray in the oven on a high shelf and roast for 25-30 minutes (this will depend on the thickness of the pork), until the pork is cooked and there are no pink juices.</p> <p>After that, remove the baking tray from the oven and transfer the pork and apples to a hot serving dish, cover with foil and keep warm. Meanwhile, pour a little of the cider on to the tray, over the heat, to loosen the onions and juices from it, then pour into a saucepan over a medium heat, add the rest of the cider and let it bubble and reduce by about a third – this will take about 5 minutes. Then whisk in the crème fraîche, let it bubble a bit more and add some seasoning.</p> <p>After the pork has rested for about 10 minutes, transfer it to a board and carve it into thick slices, then return them to the serving plate to rejoin the apples. Pour the sauce over and serve as soon as possible. Roast potatoes are particularly good with this.</p> | 20071210180922 | | | | <p><em>Serves 2</em></p> <h2>Ingredients</h2> <p class="ingredients"><a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/chicken,85,IN.html">2 Traditional Free Range boneless, skinless chicken breasts</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/limes,147,IN.html">grated zest and juice 1 large lime</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/coconut,66,IN.html">5 fl oz (150 ml) tinned coconut milk</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/oil,166,IN.html">1 dessertspoon olive oil</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/chilli-peppers,86,IN.html">1 green chilli, deseeded and finely chopped</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/thai_fish_sauce_nam_pla,250,IN.html">1 dessertspoon Thai fish sauce </a><br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/coriander_leaves,40,IN.html">4 heaped tablespoons fresh coriander leaves</a> <br/> <a href=" http://www.deliaonline.com/ingredients/salad_or_spring_onions,140,IN.html">4 spring onions, cut into 1 inch (2.5 cm) shreds, including the green parts</a> </p> <p>You will also need a frying pan with a diameter of 10 inches (25.5 cm), or a wok.<br/> <br/> <strong><u>Instructions<br/> <br/> </u></strong>First of all chop the chickeninto bite-sized pieces and place them in a bowl with the lime juice and zest. Stir well and leave them to marinate for an hour.</p> <p>When you're ready to cook the chicken, heat the oil in the pan or wok over a high heat, add the chicken pieces and stir-fry for 3-4 minutes, until they're golden. Then add the chilli, stir-fry for 1 more minute, and add the coconut milk, fish sauce and half the coriander and spring onions. Cook for another 1-2 minutes, then serve with Thai fragrant rice and the remaining coriander and spring onions sprinkled over.</p> <p><em>This recipe is taken from How to Cook Book Two and The Delia Collection: Chicken.</em></p> | 20071210181253 |
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